FatPhrocks Glastonbury Chic

Oh God, I wish I was going back to Glastonbury this year. I could even put up with the mud, the rain, the lack of decent showers and the stinky toilets if it meant I could get to see Dolly Parton on Sunday. Who, I admit is probably camper than the fields of tents pitched on Worthy Farm right now, but hell, we love that woman.

Glasto is great for body image. It doesn’t matter if you’re plus size, tall or small. There’s no dress code, you could bump into a bloke in a tutu, a group of guys dressed as Slash from Guns ‘n’ Roses or someone in a Morph suit, nobody gives a crap what you’re wearing. What’s more, there’s so much food to choose from (even if it’s heinously expensive) that the entire weekend is like an ethnic food fest. You can scoff on anything from a sweaty burger to falafels and hummus.

I loved this bit from Viva Voluptuous, by Sarah Clark, describing a big girl’s experience of the festival*

“The nearest portaloo was small as well as smelly and not built for an ample bottom. I’d had the same problems with the campervan, everything was small and with my size 20 hourglass frame I just felt as if nothing fitted where it should do.

“Living in a thin world” was going to be the theme for next video blog, and we were doing it right here, outside a long line of disgusting Glasto Portaloos. First, we had to find one that wasn’t already ‘blocked up’. There was no way I was going to film that, the mere thought of standing too close to it made me want to heave up my morning bacon roll. We hunted down some loos that were a bit out of the way and found some that hadn’t been desecrated yet. Zoë held the camera and the door while I walked backwards into the cubicle to prove a point about how small it was.

“This…is my bum.” I said, turning round and pointing at my behind for comedy effect.

“This is a lesser-spotted Glastonbury Portaloo. A rare sighting at the festival as it’s not yet overflowing with smelly things that make a girl’s nose wrinkle.”

We had an audience now. Clearly they wondered who the fruit loops were filming themselves in the toilet.

“Just another example of fat people fitting awkwardly into a thin world,” I continued. “This loo is so small that when I sit down, my elbows touch the sides of the cubicle. As I turn round to reach for the loo roll…”

Oh crap. There wasn’t any, was there? Nobody told me that there was no toilet roll in these things. I was very glad I was just filming and not using the facilities. Note to self – we needed loo roll as well as a torch….”

So if you’re off to sing along with Dolly, Lily Allen or Arcade Fire on the Pyramid Stage, stomp along to a bit of Jack White, or some old skool Blondie (OMIGOD now I really wish I was going this year) you’ll need a few chubby girl Glasto tips.

  • Flip flops and flat shoes are your friends. You’ll be on your feet a LOT, if not the entire time you’re there, and believe me, that place is vast. Of course, wellies are also vital. Don’t even think about taking your prettiest shoes, you’ll break your ankle on wedges or heels and not only that; you’ll be in agony after standing up for a few hours. Take flats, flip flops, trainers, wellies, anything you can actually WEAR.

  • Travel light. Glastonbury is only about fashion if you’re one of the very few in VIP accommodation. Everyone else will be covered in mud. Take a maxi dress (like the gorgeous Fleurs Maxi from FatPhrocks) jeans, leggings, tees, and undies, plus a pair or two pairs of Wingz to cover up your arms when it gets cold. Leggings are better than jeans as you can wear them under dresses and as an added bonus they take less time to dry out than jeans. Oh, and take something waterproof.

  • When in doubt, go for the long drops. If it’s warm, the portaloos can be unbearable. Take hand wash and loo roll as there’s nothing there, and after a few days you won’t care anymore. The Glastonbury loos are legendary for a reason…

  • Mini cans of deodorant…if it’s hot, and you’re walking all over the place, you’ll get a bit glowy. You really won’t want to tramp all the way back to your tent or caravan just for a spritz and if you buy it on the site you’ll need a mortgage, so carry a small can with you and you can stay comfy in the heat.

Enjoy yourselves…and if you get to see Dolly, let me know how it was!

What are your top festival tips? And what would you take?


*Used with author’s permission

#glastonbury #campingtips #glastonburytips

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