OK, so it’s not often I get to go to a spa, but I had a spa day last week and I have to say, it was an enlightening experience. I went to one of those old country house style spas, all wooden panels and classical music, and it was my little treat to myself after having a bitch of a month at work, managing to avoid being made redundant by the skin of my teeth and some other stuff which I can’t mention here as I’d get in way too much trouble. But I digress.

So, I rocked up at the spa last week, after getting a cheap midweek deal, and it was a bit of an eye opener. I haven’t been in a spa for about five years, and I didn’t think so much would have changed in that time. The list of treatments – I mean, I read the beauty mags along with the best of ‘em, but I had NO idea what a lot of that stuff was. There’s still a huge weight loss vibe in spas, though, isn’t there? Or was it just this one? I was a bit gobsmacked at the long list of weight loss, cellulite and other treatments. I knew there’d be a few, but I expected to see more massage, a bit of holistic therapy but although there were the usual few (reflexology, Indian head Massage and aromatherapy massages) I didn’t see much. But I could have had electric currents passed through my flabby thighs, anti-cellulite massages, body wraps, contour wraps, and even bought nutrition supplements or signed up to their weight loss classes.

I decided to bypass all that and just got my nails done. Me, superficial, of course!

I had been looking forward to padding around in the spa in a robe and slippers, but it turned out that the robes were made for women who had already had a whole load of anti-fat sessions and plenty of gym time, because I could barely get it round me. They certainly aren’t designed for plus size, tall women. I had to walk quite precariously in case it exposed more of my thighs than I usually do in front of complete strangers ) well without a few drinks anyway).

Encouragingly, I wasn’t the only fat person in the spa, and I didn’t feel out of place at all. Mind you, you know me, I don’t really care anyway. I splashed around in the pool and had a good soak in the Jacuzzi, then lazed around with a book for the rest of the day.

I didn’t book a body treatment, I was a bit skint, but I do remember paper pants from my last spa trip. I had a disgusting clay body wrap thing and I couldn’t wait to get the clay and the paper knickers off me.

I also noticed so many women yakking about dieting when we were waiting for lunch. Some of them were perusing the menu and tittering in simpering girly voices about how ‘naughty’ everything was and how they were allowed to be ‘bad’ because they were at a spa. Others were being even more tedious and comparing the calorie count of everything on the menu, so that they could decide if it was acceptable to eat it.

You’re at a spa, I wanted to say, get over yourselves. Live a bit. Enjoy your life!

I had a bloody marvellous time at the spa, and after I’d managed to get my nails done to match my oh-so fabulous plus size maxi dress, I flounced out of there feeling as if every inch of me had been thoroughly spoiled…


#fatspa #paperknickers

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